Short jokes
Why does every emo kid try to be like Tarzan? So they can swing on the vine.
Out of a total population of 1.3 billion, no one in Africa actually speaks "African."
I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.
I love orphans, so at least they know someone loves them.
How can you be friends with a pedophile that's a musician?
B minor.
Why am I banned from my Catholic orphanage?
Because the children kept calling me "daddy."
Why did the polack try writing a letter with his dick?
Because he didn't have a pen to write with.
My username good.
When your brother sends you to go get a box of condoms for his b-day. (* *)
What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?
...
I'm still trying to think of an answer.
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
If she’s old enough to smoke, She’s old enough to choke.
If she’s old enough to pee, She’s old enough for me.
Are you a fire alarm because you're loud and annoying?
I like my men like I like my Alexa:
By my bed and turned on.
Your hairline is so far back that Green Lantern became Blue Torch.
You should go back into the abortion bucket. Maybe you'll find half a brain in there.
What's the difference between a toaster and a ten-year-old Chinese girl? A Japanese soldier would regret sticking his d*ck into a toaster.
You're so poor, even the store didn't let you buy anything free.
Why do Roman Catholics have so many kids?
So there’s more for the priest.
I got detention one day. I don’t know why; I only slapped the emo kid on the wrist.