Short jokes
What's an autistic kid's favorite transformer?
Autistemist Prime.
I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.
Wife: "You don't even have friends!"
What's the difference between 63 cents and Princess Diana?
It's easier to scrape up 63 cents.
She needs a flat surface cleaner.
The parentless child stood as her orphanage was blown up by a kamikaze I had rented.
Why do eight-year-old girls wear panties with flowers on?
In loving memory of all the faces that were buried in there.
Your forehead is so big that it could carry the passengers of the Titanic.
Why do orphans hate Cocomelon?
Because the parents are in every episode.
My ex.
(amazing pick up line) Yoo, what if we got matching tattoos? You get two towers and I get a plane, because I crashed right into your life!
What do you call an African that is not hungry? Dead.
God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.
2001, Angry Birds was so amazing. Over 500 people in 2 birds.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent!
Me at an orphanage: I need to talk.
Orphan: My parents!
Me: You know that word?
You know what is the worst mistake every human being made?
Answer: Living.
Republicans really want weed not to be legal, fucking cunts!
(Pick-up line) If your tits are the Twin Towers... can I be your Osama?
Why is Trump always in debt? His university isn't paid off yet!
Trump cheated so much he cheated himself out of an election!