How many redheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
One! She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
Short Jokes
When you tell your friend he’s a simp and isn’t offended, say it stands for sucking intensely at monkeys' penises.
What mountain do people like to race on?
Mount Rushmore.
Get it?
He only won the election because of rigging.
82 million votes my ass.
Ask me for proof.
How do you save your wife from drowning?
Take your foot off her neck.
Throw a plate.
It’s broken, right?
Say “sorry” to it.
Did it fix back?
No... that’s the same thing you did to me :)
Cow A: I slept with your sister!
Cow B: Never knew my brother was a girl!
All the other cows:
:O
What did the pencil say to the piece of paper? You FLAT.
What did the spoon say to the pancake batter? You THICK.
Me: Hey, I’m your mom.
Orphan: Yay, you came back!
Me: Sike!
Child: "Mom, what's an 'orgasm'?"
Mom: "I don't know, dear. Try asking your father."
I wish my grass was edgy...
then it would cut itself...
People need to stop taking life so seriously. After all, no one gets out alive!
I was at a baseball game and I was wondering why the ball was coming closer.
And then it hit me.
There's nothing else that can beat up dog.
What's up, dog?
Just my depression!
Two hats are next to each other. One hat says to the other, "Stay here, I'll go on ahead."
How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.
What do dogs do when they lose their tail?
They go to the retail store.
Got fired from the bank yesterday.
They caught me drinking on the job.
Okay, so turns out the toasters are not waterproof...
An autistic man walks into a bra.
