Short jokes
My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire
She said no, so I raped her.
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
Answer: cancer.
Imagine this... you're a lesbian, and you're doing it with your cannibal girlfriend. You say, "Eat me, baby!"
She pulls out a knife and fork.
I'm gay, lol.
Q. What's Jeffery Dahmer's favorite song?
A. "Pieces of You."
They say there is power in numbers.
Tell that to the people in the Twin Towers.
Life's full of ups and downs :D <3
Why do hospitals have air conditioning?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
What do we want?!
A cure for Tourette's!!
When do we want it?!
Cunt!!!
I had a friend who got shot in the head.
Guess you could say he was...
Blown Away!
I wanted to buy some camo pants, but I couldn't find any.
Which is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch cold.
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
Your hairline is running away faster than when your dad went to get milk, and that’s saying something.
A Scotsman at the hairdresser: "How much is a haircut?"
"Six pounds."
"And shaving?"
"Three pounds."
"Good, then shave my head."
Cops have the hardest job: they have to tell women they have the right to remain silent and know damn well she will not have the ability.
We finally have something in common with Africa. They die of starvation, we die of overeating.
What kind of motorcycle do women ride? A menstrual cycle.
My girlfriend called me a pedophile.
And I said, "That's a big word for a 5-year-old!"