Short jokes
What did one tree say to another in a crisis? Don't leaf me when things get bad.
How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?
He CRACKed up.
What is an angel's favorite kind of tortilla chip dip?
GuacaHOLY!
What did the tree say when it gets horny? My wood has a splinter.
I take all my anger out on orphans. Why?
Because they have no parents to run to.
What did the baseball chief say to the Orphan?
GO HOME!
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
Because her students were so bright!
Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.
Son: Really?
Also 2 hours later:
Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.
Mom: Son, I-
What food makes you smart? Salt, because it's a mined food.
I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.
A twelve-volt battery walks into a tavern and orders a drink. The bartender serves him, and comments, "Now don't start anything."
A man was taking a child into a dark forest.
The child said, "I'm scared!"
The man replied, "Well I have to walk home alone."
Why do melons always have big weddings?
Because they cantaloupe!
I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?
Are you a red light? Because I stop every time I see you.
There were 25 cows, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
(Ten, if you count in base 13!)
Kid: Dad, what's an orphan?
Dad:
What do you call a sexually attracted pizza who spoons another pizza?
A Topping.
How do you kill time?
Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.
What day does Venus like?
SATURNday.