Short jokes

I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in a room filled with all of my ex's, so I was completely alone.

Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 911 victims?

Well, probably their kneecaps.

Being gay sounds like a pain in the ass.

I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he's still making fun of me.

Life is like a box of chocolates, mostly disappointing.

Bully: "I bet your dick is so small when you look down in the shower you can't even see it."

Guy: "No, I see your sister's head."

Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby, we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.

What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? They both start at 12.

What did Hellen Keller do when she fell in a hole?

She screamed until her hands got tired.

I've never worn my gay sweater, it hasn't come out of the closet yet.

What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? They both want to get there before the hare does.

How do you stop a heterosexual woman from sucking your dick? piss inside her mouth

If you kill an emo, Is it an assist kill?

My friend, you lit my mind: that's what the lighter said to my thighs.

A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.

My name, my address, and my phone number.

Why is Sam Ryan a redditor? Because he is.

Where did the software developer go?

I don’t know, he ransomware!

If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee.

Expresso, expresso, no more depresso!

I went up to the blind kid and punched him and said bet you didn't see that coming

Did you hear about the school shooting joke? Well, I won't tell you it's aimed at a younger audience.