Short jokes
They say I'll mess up my insides, but I don't have any.
What do Michelangelo and Hitler have in common?
They both used their brain to paint the ceiling.
"Don’t be dumb, make sure she’s numb."
- Bill Cosby
Did you know that when pigeons have sex, they die?
Really?
Well, the one I fucked did.
Why are gay people bad at hide and seek?
Because they're always coming out of the closet.
Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender?
A: Nothing! He was hung over.
What is the New York fireman's favorite song?
It's raining men.
What does Johnny Depp do when his kids are not home?
Cocaine.
Roses are red, don’t touch the toys, these are what the priests use to lure in the boys.
"Would you like to play the rape game?"
"No wtf" she replied.
"That's the spirit!"
Q: What does LMAO mean?
A: Launching Missiles At Orphanages.
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.
What's the cool thing about bringing a pack of gum or a shotgun to school?
When you pull one out everybody wants to be your friend. :)
What is the part of school with all the autistic people called? Downtown.
Why did the emo leave the bar?
Because it was happy hour.
How do you trick a Catholic priest into using the glory hole at an adult bookstore? Tell him it is a confessional booth.
What did Michael Jackson say to the kid on his lap?
"You have a great singer inside you."
I don't always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Where does a girl with one leg work?
IHOP.
What is the difference between climate change and the greenhouse effect, once a philosopher, twice a sodomite?