Short jokes
When you're fighting with the emo kid and he brings his friends. Now you gotta fight the suicide squad.
I was excited my teacher asked me for sex in exchange for a good grade, but then I realized I was homeschooled.
Dark humor jokes about orphans are funny because no parents are gonna be told.
What mental illness do terrorists suffer from?
Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED).
I named my dog "5 miles" so when I walk him, I can say I walked 5 miles.
Random guy: I ran over 5 miles.
What are you good at?
Dying. Dammit, I fail at that too.
Why can't two Chinese people have a white baby? Because "two wongs don't make a white."
They told me I could never be an actor.
No one suspected me when they went missing the next day.
If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree, which will hit the ground first?
The piece of paper because the rope will stop the emo.
Did you fall from heaven? Or did you fall from the cliff up there?
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they're gone they never come back.
if a toy from Toy Story died, the kid wouldn't know, and the other toys would just have to watch as their kid played with the corpse.
Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 911 victims?
Well, probably their kneecaps.
How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?
If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.
Yeah, Asians have squinty eyes, but that's because they have had the displeasure of seeing so many ugly obese Americans in one place.
Average Kid: brings mp3 to school.
Rich Kid: Brings mp4 to school.
Quiet Kid: Brings an mp5.
What do Michelangelo and Hitler have in common?
They both used their brain to paint the ceiling.
My friend has a dry sense of humor.
Probably because her body was decomposed ages ago.
Who is the king of Reddit?
Sam Ryan.
What do bicycles and slaves have in common? They both use chains to work.