Short jokes
What mental illness do terrorists suffer from?
Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED).
How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?
If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.
Yeah, Asians have squinty eyes, but that's because they have had the displeasure of seeing so many ugly obese Americans in one place.
Why can't two Chinese people have a white baby? Because "two wongs don't make a white."
Cousins on the streets means lovers in the sheets. 😂👀
What are you good at?
Dying. Dammit, I fail at that too.
My friend has a dry sense of humor.
Probably because her body was decomposed ages ago.
What do a politician and a minister have in common?
Both of them will tell you anything to get money from you.
They told me I could never be an actor.
No one suspected me when they went missing the next day.
Q: What's the difference between rape and marriage?
A: With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman afterwards.
Average Kid: brings mp3 to school.
Rich Kid: Brings mp4 to school.
Quiet Kid: Brings an mp5.
What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? They both start at 12.
if a toy from Toy Story died, the kid wouldn't know, and the other toys would just have to watch as their kid played with the corpse.
If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree, which will hit the ground first?
The piece of paper because the rope will stop the emo.
Did you fall from heaven? Or did you fall from the cliff up there?
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they're gone they never come back.
Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 911 victims?
Well, probably their kneecaps.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
What do Michelangelo and Hitler have in common?
They both used their brain to paint the ceiling.
Why do Republican men hate transgender people?
Because they lost a dick-measuring contest to a ladyboy in Thailand!