Short jokes
I was excited my teacher asked me for sex in exchange for a good grade, but then I realized I was homeschooled.
What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? They both start at 12.
What mental illness do terrorists suffer from?
Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED).
How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?
If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.
Yeah, Asians have squinty eyes, but that's because they have had the displeasure of seeing so many ugly obese Americans in one place.
Why can't two Chinese people have a white baby? Because "two wongs don't make a white."
My friend has a dry sense of humor.
Probably because her body was decomposed ages ago.
What are you good at?
Dying. Dammit, I fail at that too.
What do a politician and a minister have in common?
Both of them will tell you anything to get money from you.
if a toy from Toy Story died, the kid wouldn't know, and the other toys would just have to watch as their kid played with the corpse.
They told me I could never be an actor.
No one suspected me when they went missing the next day.
Average Kid: brings mp3 to school.
Rich Kid: Brings mp4 to school.
Quiet Kid: Brings an mp5.
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they're gone they never come back.
What do Michelangelo and Hitler have in common?
They both used their brain to paint the ceiling.
If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree, which will hit the ground first?
The piece of paper because the rope will stop the emo.
Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 911 victims?
Well, probably their kneecaps.
Did you fall from heaven? Or did you fall from the cliff up there?
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
How do you get four prostitutes on one chair?
You turn it upside down.
How do you make it hard for a rapist who is trying to rape you? Rub it.