Short jokes
Vegetarian: I prefer plants.
Herbivore: I just like food.
Cannibal: I'm a people person.
Why were the cherries 🍒 crying?
Because their parents were in a jam.
Why are they called s’mores?
Because you always want another one!
What’s the difference between an epileptic corn shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?
The epileptic corn shucker “shucks between fits”...
How did the security guard at the orchid get better at his job? He got an Apple Watch.
Random kid: Yo mama so stupid that she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.
Orphan: What's a mama?
Random kid: *shook*
Why didn't they just switch him on and off again, or switch his batteries?
A drum rolled down a hill. Ba-dum-tsssh!
What did one brain cell say to the other brain cell?
"I think I feel a connection!"
No one wanted to hear my ocean puns, they said they were too fishy.
Math puns are the first SINE of madness! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
"Knock knock?"
"Mustache."
"I mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later!"
I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.
How does an artist fill in a CV?
He draws on experience.
That camping trip was in-tents.
This isn't a joke; I just want to spread awareness of anatidaephobia.
Why did the stoner cross the road?
He got so wasted, he thought he was a chicken.
Why did Sally fail her final exam?
Because she had nothing written down.
Me holding a new cat: Say hi to my little friend!
My friends: Hi to my little friend!
What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and a lizard?
There is no difference.