Security Guard jokes

How did the security guard at the orchid get better at his job? He got an Apple Watch.

An orphan walked up to a baseball field, but a security guard said he couldn't come in because it was a home game.

If cops are called pigs, then security guards are piglets.

Q: What do you call a security guard at Samsung?

A: Guardians of the Galaxy.

If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?

Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.

So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.

Remember, kids: the school shooter can't get you if YOU are the shooter.

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret.