Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester! :D
I wanted to tell an animal joke but its irrelephant
My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a "two for one special."
What's a lesbians favorite type of food?
Finger-Food
Did you here about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.
The secret to dark humor is the delivery... oh wait, the baby was stillborn.
Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.
What is a Necrophiliacs favorite band?
Coldplay
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horse and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.
Why do lawyers use Viagra? To grow taller.
What do you call a gay drive by? A fruit roll up.
What do you get when you have a annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? -- The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide? Dave: No. Jason: Well, he hit his first target.
You know when you sign up for something and it says *im not a robot* guess he never had the chance to tick that
Why wasn't Michael Jackson admitted to college? He refused to declare a major; he only wanted to do minors.
Why don’t mountains catch colds? They wear snow caps.
Why did the library book go to the doctor? -- It needed to be checked out.
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say "You're next". So I started poking them at funerals and saying "You're next" to my friends.
