Short jokes
*Loud explosion inside the tank*
"Where's the commander?" "He's gone." "Where has he gone?" "All over the place."
All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.
After all, it's not like Donald Trump could write a book.
Why do people in Alabama always swipe left on Tinder?
Because they aren't family!
My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again.
What's white with black spots? A cotton field from above.
What kind of experience does a feminist have?
Being a bitch.
Q. What's long, hard, and scary when you first see it?
A. Calculus homework.
How do you make it hard for a rapist who is trying to rape you? Rub it.
What makes suicide illegal?
Getting caught.
I'm starting to wish my grass was emo.
Why?
So it would cut itself.
Q: What did the iceberg say to the Titanic?
A: I'd hit that.
What's the difference between your jokes and your penis? Nobody laughs at your jokes.
I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean? Also, my IQ test came back positive.
What do a politician and a minister have in common?
Both of them will tell you anything to get money from you.
What do a pedophile and a clock have in common? Neither of them go past 12.
What has more brains than Kurt Cobain?
The wall behind him.
I was excited my teacher asked me for sex in exchange for a good grade, but then I realized I was homeschooled.
Why can't disabled people make jokes?
Well, it's called Stand-Up comedy, isn't it?
I named my dog "5 miles" so when I walk him, I can say I walked 5 miles.
Random guy: I ran over 5 miles.
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they're gone they never come back.