I'd hit you, but I don't want to go to jail for animal abuse.
Short Jokes
*Loud explosion inside the tank*
"Where's the commander?" "He's gone." "Where has he gone?" "All over the place."
How did the dude with epilepsy win the break dancing competition?
He saw flashing lights.
What kind of experience does a feminist have?
Being a bitch.
Q. What's long, hard, and scary when you first see it?
A. Calculus homework.
Lmao, idiots don't know how to play Jenga.
What makes suicide illegal?
Getting caught.
I'm starting to wish my grass was emo.
Why?
So it would cut itself.
Q: What did the iceberg say to the Titanic?
A: I'd hit that.
Why do people in Alabama always swipe left on Tinder?
Because they aren't family!
What do a pedophile and a clock have in common? Neither of them go past 12.
I was excited my teacher asked me for sex in exchange for a good grade, but then I realized I was homeschooled.
What has more brains than Kurt Cobain?
The wall behind him.
All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.
After all, it's not like Donald Trump could write a book.
What mental illness do terrorists suffer from?
Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED).
What are you good at?
Dying. Dammit, I fail at that too.
I named my dog "5 miles" so when I walk him, I can say I walked 5 miles.
Random guy: I ran over 5 miles.
I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean? Also, my IQ test came back positive.
What's white with black spots? A cotton field from above.
Why can't two Chinese people have a white baby? Because "two wongs don't make a white."
