And the lord said unto john come forth and you will receive eternal life, but john came fifth and won a toaster
When is it acceptable to hit a dwarf? When he dances with your wife and says her hair smells nice....
Ancestry.com is spelt with an “I” in Alabama.
how do you pet a psychopaths cat?
you get it out of the microwave
Why do vegetarians give good head? Beause they’re used to eating nuts.
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day: Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.
What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?
YOU GET A MILKSHAKE!
what can you say to make a rape victim feel better?
"it will be over soon"
Why did Paul walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt
What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.
Have you ever tried North Korean food?
Neither have the North Koreans.
Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? -- He took a day off.
Pennywise: They all float down here! Titanic: *hold my beer*
It’s all fun and games until someone fails at becoming superman.
I was raised an only child, which really pissed my brother.
i want to make a joke about kobe but it wont land well
There was a cannibal who had a wife and (eight) kids.
Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester! :D
I wanted to tell an animal joke but its irrelephant
My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a "two for one special."
