Short jokes
What was Morgan Freeman called before the Civil War?
Morgan.
What do feminists and tampons have in common?
They're both stuck-up cunts.
Yesterday we lost a quarter of our roof in the storm, oof.
What’s the worst thing about being a pedophile?
Fitting it in.
Yesterday, I tickled my granddaughter's feet.
She is being born in 2 months.
Bro, your toenails are bigger than your IQ.
An orphan girl's boyfriend broke up with her, what was his reason?
"If her parents didn't want her, why should I?"
Today I ate out my girlfriend... Jeffrey Dahmer style.
Me: Hey, say I am ugly for a billion pounds.
Them: You're ugly.
Me: Sorry, I am not a mirror.
Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?
Because he is always talking about his honey.
What does a serial killer make for breakfast?
Scrambled legs and toes.
What do gay horses eat?
Hay.
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.
So Kobe Bryant walked into a bar, just kidding, he's dead and his fame went spiraling out of control.
Manly men go to strip clubs. JD Vance goes to IKEA.
Q: Why did Sally survive the car accident?
A: She hit an ambulance.
Want to know why some astronomers are gay?
It’s because they want to be in Uranus.
Why did Jerry fall off the moon?
Because he got hit by a fridge.
My brother finally got his driver's license, so he took our new car out for a spin.
At least now I can have his phone he left.
I'll never forget my boss's last words: "We shall serve the best meat in our burgers!"