Short jokes
Is it weird that a milk carton has a date, and I don’t?
You are American when you walk to the bathroom. What are you when you are in there?
You're-a-peein'. European.
Being bullied by an artist? Want them to leave you alone?
www.VincentVanGoghAway.com
Are you a volcano? Because you're hot and I really lava you!
He dead, he alive, but most importantly, he got a new hard drive.
I went to the doctor because I had a steering wheel in my pants, and it was driving me nuts.
Don't drink and park.
Accidents cause people.
Why didn't the butcher cut the fillet?
Because it was a misteak.
Why did Sally fail her final exam?
Because she had nothing written down.
Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.
Sand under docks is very resilient. It doesn’t give in to pier pressure.
What is a tree's favorite thing to drink?
Root beer.
That camping trip was in-tents.
This isn't a joke; I just want to spread awareness of anatidaephobia.
I didn't trip and fall... I attacked the floor, and I believe I am winning :3
Why is my dick like a balloon?
The more you blow it, the bigger it gets.
What's the difference between a gun and my will to live? None, they are both absent.
Me holding a new cat: Say hi to my little friend!
My friends: Hi to my little friend!
What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and a lizard?
There is no difference.
Why did the stoner cross the road?
He got so wasted, he thought he was a chicken.