Short jokes
My cat's breath smells like cat food.
What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?
I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.
When I feel depressed, I like to cut myself another piece of cake.
How did the guys with Down syndrome split the dinner bill? They all made a down payment.
What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?
"I'm sorry, I just had to."
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple gets picked.
If you feel sad, or you feel that you are not loved... You're with mushroom pizza.
Imagine you are getting eaten by an alligator. What do you do?
Stop imagining!
I just wish I went on a date with Ariana Grande, and then everybody knew I fucked Ariana Grande.
What did Jesus say when they removed the nails from his hands?
"Feet! Feet!"
Ya forehead so big Sakura's forehead seemed small.
I was walking and I saw a girl crying, and she told me to take her dollhouse and I asked why. She said because I don't have one.
My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.
So I took down his confederate flag.
Does an orphanage have daddy issues?
Yes, because he didn't come back from getting the milk.
I wish that when Mario dies to some random object, I died too.
My girlfriend called me a "bot" in Fortnite, so I called her "sandwich maker 3000."
What do you call a group of transgender women?
X-Men.
My ex died in an anchorage accident.
She always was a sleeping hooker.
Girls: OMG what color should I use, baby blue, light blue, or navy blue?
Boys: blue is blue.
Me dozing off while driving.
Everyone else on the passenger plane: September 11, 2001.