Short jokes
What do a 9V battery and a butthole have in common?
We know we’re not supposed to put our tongue on them, but we do it anyway.
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home looks like.
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
Little boys turn them on.
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Good Year, the other’s a great year.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
What do bungee jumping and a gay man have in common?
If the rubber breaks, they're in beep shit.
What do black parents and elevators have in common?
Neither of them can raise anything without a belt.
Friend: Why do you like Minecraft so much?
Me: Because I love miners!
Why are pedophiles good at playing guitar?
Because they are good at fingering A minor.
My grandfather died at Auschwitz.
Poor fella fell off the guard tower.
What’s the difference between women and condoms?
There isn’t a difference; they’re both throw aways.
So, my dad was drinking, so he was drunk, and I was sad. But can you be my friend, please?
I tried to stick to One Direction, but then they started to shoot the gay bar...
I used to be a banker...
But then I lost interest.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can't drink and derive.
Anyone know about the war? It's not Russia we should hate, it's Putin that we should. 🙄🤪💅
Quit making those progeria jokes. They get old very quickly.
Why don't you shower with a Pokemon? He might Pikachú.