Short jokes

A happy mother: "Why is your sister so quiet?! And how did you get super glue stuck on your penis?!"

Potato.

What's the city with the fastest growing population?

Ireland, cuz it's Dublin everyday!

What did Sally get for Easter?..

Nail polish.

They finally made a movie about a clock, about time.

Have you heard about the corduroy pillow cases? They've been making headlines.

School is a lot like boot camp. The only difference is that you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.

What do shemales and barns have in common?

Cocks.

What did Spock encounter in the Enterprise toilet?

The Captain's Log.

What did Sally say when she was stuck in the water with kelp?

"I need kelp! KELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP"

Communism jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets it.

I'm autistic, and I find these so funny.

A clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.

Why was Stephen Hawking always bullied?

Because he couldn’t stand up for himself.

ENTER PASSWORD.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

RESET PASSWORD.

NEW PASSWORD CAN'T BE OLD PASSWORD.

Sets fire to computer.

How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste.

What was Jesus' reaction when the first black person was born?

"Holy shit, I burnt one."

A student got a bad letter grade, so the next day he came back with his own letter grade in his backpack: an A-K47.

Which planet would I consider dating?

I don’t know, but not Saturn because she’s already got a ring on her.

I kidnapped an orphan. What are they going to do? Cry for mom?