Short jokes
Which president has never gone to jail?
Lincoln because he's innocent in a cent, get it?
Louis Day is Steven Hawkins' identical twin.
There are 5 cats on a boat, and 1 jumps off. How many are left?
Zero, they were copycats.
What is a duck's favorite thing to smoke?
Quack.
What was Stephen Hawking's name before he got his disease?
Stephen Walkins.
Sex sex sex free sex tonight, I mean 666-3629.
What’s red, blonde, and wet?
Saskia in grain.
What is black and white, black and white, black and white and green?
Three zebras fighting over a pickle.
If you shit in a church, is it a holy shit?
My impression of Michael Jackson's butler:
When answering the phone: "No, sorry, he's dead." *hangs up phone*
What do you do after raping a deaf mute eight-year-old girl? Smash the little bitch's hands with a hammer so she can't tell her mum.
Why did God create gay men? So fat girls could dance.
Why can't Cleopatra ride a bicycle?
Because she's dead.
Why is every number scared of 7?
Because 7 "ate" 9.
Are suicide bombers taught properly how to fly, or...
Are they just given a quick crash course?
I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me.
When I was in middle school, I was kidnapped by a terrorist organization.
Al-gebra.
Time to go to New York to visit the Twin Towers.
They’re already getting closer.
What’s positive in Africa?
HIV/AIDS.
How did the man with a small penis become a rapist? His condom fell off.