Short jokes
What did the orphan say to his dad last?
Please get non-fat milk!
So, I saw two homeless people on the road fighting. I said, "Stop fighting and go home." I guess it was a little insensitive.
Uma Thurman's optometrist must have wide glasses sometimes.
Why did the dwarf get a job at Lidl?
Because every Lidl helps.
Yo mama's so ugly even cartoon cat eyes got little.
My cat's breath smells like cat food.
If an orphan wants food, who does it? No one. Everybody just watches him starve because they couldn't find his parents.
Does an orphanage have daddy issues?
Yes, because he didn't come back from getting the milk.
Me: I'm retarded.
Teacher: Why?
Me: It took me 2 hours to see "60 Minutes."
Why is a brick always hard? Because the Indians played with it enough.
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!
What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives, and a frog croaks every day.
2k14 was so realistic when I switched to Kobe, the pass button stopped working.
I'd make a masturbation joke.
But they always get out of hand.
Where did the school kittens go for their field trip?
To the mew-seum!
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
Because he/she wanted to be wanted!
Toast is like parents.
If they are both black, you have nothing to eat.
What is the best shield to use during a battle? The emo kid.
What do Jesus and a painting have in common?
They hang by nails.
Why are orphans bad at baseball? Because they can't hit home runs.