Short jokes
Me: I'm retarded.
Teacher: Why?
Me: It took me 2 hours to see "60 Minutes."
Why is a brick always hard? Because the Indians played with it enough.
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!
What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives, and a frog croaks every day.
2k14 was so realistic when I switched to Kobe, the pass button stopped working.
I'd make a masturbation joke.
But they always get out of hand.
Where did the school kittens go for their field trip?
To the mew-seum!
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
Because he/she wanted to be wanted!
Yo mama's so ugly even cartoon cat eyes got little.
If Kenny had a son, we all know he would also be his brother.
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
Mÿ pp.
How do clarinet players play a song?
They reed their music.
I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."
Whenever I make a 9/11 joke, it bombs.
My balls are high, just like the towers, but when something impales them, they begin to sag.
The warden is stronger than the ender dragon, but WHY IS IT NOT A BOSS?
(Doesn't have boss bar.)
Yo, hairline goes farther back than the Big Bang theory!
Why did Michael Jackson cross the road?
To get to the opera.
How did Jesus become self-sovereign?
He screws himself and becomes his own creator.