Short jokes

I just wish I went on a date with Ariana Grande, and then everybody knew I fucked Ariana Grande.

What do Mexicans cut their pizza with? A Little Caesars.

My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.

If you feel sad, or you feel that you are not loved... You're with mushroom pizza.

I need a hug.

*hugs train*

Why did the cow have for breakfast?

Answer: Muesli.

Hi guys, I feel forgotten lol. I feel like a banana peel... no one will talk to me. Oh, I got a good idea! We do a Google Meet!

What are cheetahs' favorite chips?

Cheetah Puffs!

Why did Muhammad Ali go down? Because he couldn't stand the cancer.

I wish that when Mario dies to some random object, I died too.

How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?

Juans upon a time.

What does Santa say for the toys to go to bed?

"Time to hit the sack!"

What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?

"I'm sorry, I just had to."

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Tornado." "Tornado who?" "Tornado going to suck yo house up."

Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during World War Two. He was an officer.

Me: Cool, what rank of officer?

Jim: SS.

Me:...

Did anyone ever notice that "STUDYING" is a mixture of studying and dying?

During this COVID shit, if a guy starts following you with the masks on, should you be scared, or is that dumb bastard just your boyfriend?

My girlfriend called me a "bot" in Fortnite, so I called her "sandwich maker 3000."

What do you call a group of transgender women?

X-Men.

My ex died in an anchorage accident.

She always was a sleeping hooker.