Short jokes
What do you get when you cross a cold wind with a feather?
A brrrrrrrr-d!
*The doctor asking why I've broken 19 bones in the past week*
*My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*
Well what am I gonna do now...
Why did you always see Michael Jackson wearing two white gloves?
Because masturbation is against Michael Jackson's religious beliefs.
What's the difference between a penis and a gun?
A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time your friends have a group picture.
What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!
I was driving through a neighborhood when I saw a sign that said "Autistic Child Zone." Then I thought to myself, "Oh shit, that wasn't a dog!"
Having sex while camping is fucking in tents (intense).
How do you tell if a loaf of bread has Down Syndrome?
It has an extra crumb-osome.
Why did Susan drop her ice cream? She was hit by a bus.
A happy mother: "Why is your sister so quiet?! And how did you get super glue stuck on your penis?!"
Potato.
ENTER PASSWORD.
WRONG.
WRONG.
WRONG.
WRONG.
WRONG.
WRONG.
RESET PASSWORD.
NEW PASSWORD CAN'T BE OLD PASSWORD.
Sets fire to computer.
What was Jesus' reaction when the first black person was born?
"Holy shit, I burnt one."
What sort of movies do cows like to watch?
Moosicals!
My mum told me to take out the trash, but I couldn’t find you.
Women be like, "Porn is how we get money," then get angry when boys treat women like shit because they seen it on porn.
My uncle was a priest.
He had a two-inch penis, but when it was in my ass, it felt like a torpedo.
Why do orphans like emos?
Reverse "emo" and put an "h" in the beginning.
How do you get a million fans?
Just run through Africa with a bottle of water.