Short jokes
Quit making those progeria jokes. They get old very quickly.
Why don't you shower with a Pokemon? He might Pikachú.
What noise does Sally like to say? Splat!
Why are wives also called a housekeeper?
Because after the divorce, they keep the house.
I went to a seafood shop.
I pulled a muscle.
Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?
Because he didn't want to see the bill.
What's a skeleton's favorite instrument?
A trombone.
I will always remember the last noise I hear in my school, "oogga booga motherf***ers," click, boom!
I wanted to get brain surgery.
I changed my mind.
It said to submit a joke, and that's what my mom did when I was born.
My heart is like a plane.
It crashes every once in a while.
"Immobile" means "I'm mobile" in my books.
I'm a big fan of white boards; they're remarkable.
My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"
I said, "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬"
She said, "Why?"
I said, "'Cause it's your twin."
Why don’t they let Stephen Hawking have other electronics around him? Because he will sound staticky.
What do you call a chill transgender?
Fictional.
What did the banana say to the peel?
“Let’s split!”
What did Allah say when he created the universe?
-Allahu akbar!!!
I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere.
Your mama is so fat that when she was playing online, she crashed the whole server.