Short jokes
Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.
Gay is a mental illness.
You're not thinking straight.
The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them, "Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"
What is a deaf person's favorite game?
Charades.
What do a 9V battery and a butthole have in common?
We know we’re not supposed to put our tongue on them, but we do it anyway.
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home looks like.
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
Little boys turn them on.
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Good Year, the other’s a great year.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
What do bungee jumping and a gay man have in common?
If the rubber breaks, they're in beep shit.
What do black parents and elevators have in common?
Neither of them can raise anything without a belt.
Friend: Why do you like Minecraft so much?
Me: Because I love miners!
Why are pedophiles good at playing guitar?
Because they are good at fingering A minor.
It's not incest if you're adopted.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, you look like a donkey, and smell like one, too.
How do lesbians have sex? It’s too complicated. I’d have to show you.
How did the lesbian die? Homicide.
Why can't Paris play chess? Because they don't have their towers (also known as rooks).