Short jokes
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He drove too far away from the power point/modem.
Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, “You’ll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!”
What did the mouse 🐭 say when his friend broke their teeth?
Hard cheese! 🧀😂
Going to church, you don't think you are Christian.
Sleeping with ten men, you don't think you are straight.
Why did the pillow go to court?
Because it had a pillowcase!
What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.
When you say to your friend, "I've got your back," then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.
A kid asks his father, "How long is our trip, Dad?"
The kid's father says, "Our trip is a Fortnite."
What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on ahead, I'll just hang around.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
Your mama's so fat, she runs a trade deficit with food!
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home looks like.
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
What do sharks and people have in common? The great ones are white.
What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can’t hear an enzyme.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
What do bungee jumping and a gay man have in common?
If the rubber breaks, they're in beep shit.
What do black parents and elevators have in common?
Neither of them can raise anything without a belt.
Why does Michael Jackson avoid Pepsi? They gave him a hot one.