Short jokes
Me: I'm retarded.
Teacher: Why?
Me: It took me 2 hours to see "60 Minutes."
Why is a brick always hard? Because the Indians played with it enough.
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!
What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives, and a frog croaks every day.
2k14 was so realistic when I switched to Kobe, the pass button stopped working.
I'd make a masturbation joke.
But they always get out of hand.
Where did the school kittens go for their field trip?
To the mew-seum!
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
Because he/she wanted to be wanted!
Toast is like parents.
If they are both black, you have nothing to eat.
What is the best shield to use during a battle? The emo kid.
What do Jesus and a painting have in common?
They hang by nails.
Why are orphans bad at baseball? Because they can't hit home runs.
A depressed kid didn't succeed at suicide and said, "I'm a failure at suicide, too."
If a furry looks like an animal, sounds like animal, and acts like an animal, can I run over it with my car like an animal?
The cannibal got angry, so he threw up his arms.
Thank you guys for 6 whole followers! I'm so happy!
"How would you describe yourself in three words?"
"Lazy!"
When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.
What do alien moms like to drink? Starbucks.
Communism is actually kinda tight.