Short jokes
Wanna ride a reindeer for Christmas? *rubs my antlers on you*
You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
Why did Rolf Harris meet underage kids?
To tie his kangaroo down, sport!
What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?
One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.
2 weeks here.
What do dicks and popsicles have in common?
They both like to be sucked on, and they sometimes choke you.
What did the mouse 🐭 say when his friend broke their teeth?
Hard cheese! 🧀😂
Where do cows go for entertainment?
The MOOOOvie theater.
What did the tree wear to the pool party 🥳?
Swimming trunks.
I always win arguments against my handicapped girlfriend; she can't stand for herself.
I have had an obsession with soap. Don’t worry, I am all clean now!
Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE!
Doctor: Sit down for a minute.
Wood-fired pizza.
How would pizza get a job now?
Why was the short person a coward? They didn't stand up to challenges.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He drove too far away from the power point/modem.
Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, “You’ll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!”
Why do they call them apartments when they are together?
Why don't you act like an amoeba and split?
Q: Why don't cars work after you change their wheels?
A: Because they're retired!
Why did the pillow go to court?
Because it had a pillowcase!
Why did the emo kid get mad?
I wore a “Just Do It” shirt.