Short jokes
Your forehead so big you got to take Tylenol pills, big like chocolate chip cookies.
Where do mermaids get a job?
At the kelp wanted station.
Me: Dad, my phone is broken.
Dad: How?
Me: I clicked the home button, but I'm still at school.
Dad: Stupid.
What do you call a woman in a fighter jet to the right of the president?
An escort.
I said "Uranus!" and the girl beside me face-palmed. I wonder what I did wrong?
What did the cactus look like with his tuxedo on?
Sharp! 🤣
He never has a bad day because he always wakes up on both sides of the bed.
What flies around the school at night?
Alpha-bats!
How many people does it take to wash the dishes?
Only Juan.
I'm not saying you're stupid.
But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"
Roses are red, Violets are blue, God made me pretty, WHAT THE FRICK HAPPENED TO YOU?
And the winner of the Tour de France is awarded, as ever, with the yellow jersey.
To remind him what color his piss is meant to be.
It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.
Why are gay people bad at hide and seek?
Because they're always coming out of the closet.
James Bond gives all the ladies he's met the perfect birthday gift: Chlamydia.
Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.
I'm so confused. Who is Gwen? The only Gwen I can think of is the one from Spiderman. 😂
What do old people have when they are sick.
A going away party.
Person: Bro, you have a bad and stupid life.
Me: Yeah, it was all good till you were here!
Person: WTF!
What do whales use to rub out a mistake in their homework? Their blubber.