Short jokes
How do you know if a chick is too fat?
If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.
Yesterday I bought my daughter a cat, but accidentally hit her with the car today. I have no idea what to do with the cat now.
Are you made of Gallium and Yttrium?
Because you are looking a little bit GaY.
When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.
Communism is actually kinda tight.
Where did Josh go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.
If your eyes were the sea, I would drown in them.
Ironic that this page is dead.
What’s the worst thing about being suicidal?
The school shooter will always spare you.
I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.
My grandfather lost his tongue during WW2.
He never talks about it.
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.
When the teacher gives me an F on my exam,
but I have an AK-47 in my backpack.
*Is honestly the best policy.*
The highest level of trust in the world is when two cannibals are each giving each other blowjobs.
Would you rather get a massage from a man or get major surgery from a woman?
Your mama's so fat, she runs a trade deficit with food!
Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.
Scientists make skyscrapers and airplanes.
Religion crashes them.
Gay is a mental illness.
You're not thinking straight.