Short jokes
Your birth certificate is like an apology from the condom factory...
She later made me a sandwich, and she cut the crust off it.
What is the cherry's favorite cartoon?
"Tom and Jerry!"
I once had a patient who wanted to change his species.
I'll tell you, he was unBEARable.
What did the meditating egg say?
A) Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmlet!
A lumberjack goes to a person's house.
Then he realized the tree was too big and was stumped and had to leaf.
I went on a one in a lifetime vacation. Never again!
Santa was in my social studies book. He was a redcoat.
What kind of bug lives in a graveyard?
A zom-BEE.
Why are orphans not allowed in stores?
Because else they would actually feel at home.
A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says:
"I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Tank.
Tank who?
You're welcome.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled!
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Interrupting cow." "Interrupting cow wh-" "MOO!"
How do you make an apple turnover?
You push it down a hill.
Why is an orphan's favorite game Monopoly?
Because they can actually buy a house.
I think the local nudist campground just went out of business.
The sign on their gate says:
"Clothed Until Further Notice."
When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.
So, she went to see the "You Should Be Shot" Photography Studio.
What do you get if you eat sugar?
High.
When I hit a home run, I finally felt what it was like to have a home.