Short jokes
A seizure is just an excuse for break dancing.
When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"
Sometimes I just wake up in the morning and think, "Damn, better luck next time!"
Why are there 25 letters in the alphabet? Because the D is in U.
What do you get when you cross a lawn mower and a parakeet?
Shredded tweet!
We are all just suicidal kids telling other kids not to do it.
What happens to chickens that get kidnapped by rapists?
They get choked.
What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.
Your sister is so ugly, she made Hello Kitty say goodbye.
What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?
A sourpuss.
Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Not your parents.
What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.
I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.
My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.
Why are Democrats represented by the donkey? Because some Democrats can be such an ass!
Using pi, distract the fat kid next to you so you can copy his answers.
Me scrolling through jokes that sum up my life, starts crying.
My friend: What’s wrong?
Me: Nothing, it's just so funny. Lol😂🤣😂
Why can’t orphans have sex?
They have no one to call "daddy."
I just wish I went on a date with Ariana Grande, and then everybody knew I fucked Ariana Grande.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple gets picked.