Short jokes
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex. Guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted to watch.
Vegan is actually an old Indian word for "bad hunter."
What song did Michael Jackson come up with after his first sleepover with the kid?
"Just Beat It."
What's Michael Jackson's favorite toy?
Wet 6-year-old balls.
You're so fat, you only know the letters KFC.
You: Hey, Alexa, what is your gender?
Alexa: I identify as Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are...
Me: *hears it* And their pronouns are he/he.
Why was Helen Keller truly an inspiration?
She learned how to read and write despite being from Alabama!
Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.
My uncles like the moon.
He comes out at night.
Yes, I have gained weight. I have also gained more brains. Do you want some? You talk like you definitely need some more.
Your hairline bent like the relationship with your mom and dad.
My favorite kind of face mask is the plastic bag.
My sister: You were born ugly.
Me: I'm not a mirror, sis.
Bully: I wasn't talking to you.
Me: Then why are you listening?
Why did Michael Jackson divorce LMP? She didn't want to give him kids.
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."
If a furry looks like an animal, sounds like animal, and acts like an animal, can I run over it with my car like an animal?
What does Fortnite and real life have in common?
They both lost their tower.
Roast
You have such a big forehead it has a 6 pack on it!