Short jokes
Stop with the 9/11 jokes.
They're not gonna fly.
What’s missing from an orphan's iPad?
The home button.
How do we know Cinderella is a virgin?
Because she runs away from balls.
I had sex with a disabled girl. You can say I handiclapped those cheeks.
Scientists make skyscrapers and airplanes.
Religion crashes them.
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
Have you ever thought about the fact that every market in Africa is a black market?
It's not incest if you're adopted.
What do you call yourself when you fist a midget?
A ventriloquist.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, you look like a donkey, and smell like one, too.
Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.
Gay is a mental illness.
You're not thinking straight.
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex. Guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted to watch.
Vegan is actually an old Indian word for "bad hunter."
What song did Michael Jackson come up with after his first sleepover with the kid?
"Just Beat It."
What's Michael Jackson's favorite toy?
Wet 6-year-old balls.
You're so fat, you only know the letters KFC.
Why was Helen Keller truly an inspiration?
She learned how to read and write despite being from Alabama!