Short jokes
What did Jesus say when they removed the nails from his hands?
"Feet! Feet!"
A boy went to a doctor, and the doctor said, "I can't treat you." The boy asked why, and the doctor said, "Because I'm a family doctor."
What did the orphan say to his dad last?
Please get non-fat milk!
So, I saw two homeless people on the road fighting. I said, "Stop fighting and go home." I guess it was a little insensitive.
Uma Thurman's optometrist must have wide glasses sometimes.
Why did the dwarf get a job at Lidl?
Because every Lidl helps.
Yo mama's so ugly even cartoon cat eyes got little.
My cat's breath smells like cat food.
If an orphan wants food, who does it? No one. Everybody just watches him starve because they couldn't find his parents.
When I feel depressed, I like to cut myself another piece of cake.
I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.
My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.
Spongebob's teeth upside down is the twin towers.
Spongebob: 9 letters
Squarepants: 11 letters
Spongebob did 9/11.
What does a person eat before a race?
Answer: They fast.
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
Ya forehead so big Sakura's forehead seemed small.
Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?
Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.
I'd make a masturbation joke.
But they always get out of hand.
Where did the school kittens go for their field trip?
To the mew-seum!
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
Because he/she wanted to be wanted!