Short jokes
My anxiety has anxiety.
What was the last thing to go through the minds of 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
I thought about making a necrophilia joke, but I knew it would be a DOA.
Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.
How do women hold their liquor? By the ears.
I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is it murder-suicide?
What do masturbation and brain damage have in common? After a few strokes, there’s no going back.
What is the speed limit for sex? 68, because if you go any faster, you’ll have to turn around.
Why is it so hard to find people defending suicide in any discussion?
Because they are really committed to their cause.
World leaders are so old, they've got nostalgia for the Cambrian explosion.
Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.
What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common?
They’ll eventually get laid by a Mexican.
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!
What do you call a dog turd in China?
Waste of food.
Why can't orphans have cookies?
They are home made.
We send millions of mosquito nets to Africa; we can save millions of mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.
What did God say when he made the first woman?
"Where is your dick at?"
Are you a keyboard, because I wanna tap you all night long.
Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?
Because every little bit helps!