Short jokes
My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?
Me: No.
Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.
You wonder where my dad is.
Meanwhile, Dad: It's good to be at milk island!
The Twin Towers remind me of an emote... bing, bang, boom.
When the quiet kid gets angry and the sped kid sees your hiding spot.
Bing, bang, boom!
If the minions serve whoever is the biggest bad, then who did they serve 1930-1945?
Yo mama so fat she needs to sit on 2 chairs.
Love that dress; it would look much better on my floor, though.
Are you a ghost train? Because I am going to scream when I ride you.
POV: You are 7 years old and you find a stick. SWORD.
How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."
How many skinny people can fit in a tub? I don't know; they keep slipping down the drain.
What do you call gay parents?
Poly.
Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?
Because if they fell forward, they'd still be on the boat.
I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot.
I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.
What's a footlong and slippery?
A slipper.
He installed a hacked client on his MC server called cancer.exe.
He is helping world hunger by feeding cancer.
John Lennon: "What a nice view."
John walked outside.
He got shot.
:skull: