Short jokes
My sister told me only onions make you cry, so I always hit her back when she hit me, but I hit her with a shoe only to catch her cry.
Whatever happened to the emo? (wrong answer only)
Straight men change their girlfriends like they change their undies. So, about once a month.
How can you tell if a man is straight? You don't have to, he will tell you.
The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.
Why did he die? He forgot to get a new GPU for his new PC.
Why did he quit the internet?
People kept on (rick) rolling him.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite toy?
Hot Wheels.
What's that Pokemon that evolves into macargo?
Slugma.
Slugma dick.
Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?
A: Tell the woman not to wash down there.
If you are what you eat, then I’m black.
Your hairline receded like the girls did after the party.
Your hairline is so far back, even the slaves can't plant that shit back.
What's more useless than a broken condom? A fetus resulting from a broken condom.
Tell an orphan "your mom", but then remember he doesn't have one.
What's better than having unprotected sex? Getting an abortion.
Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?
Orphan: I don't know what you mean.
Me: There is no one to give a present.
Why does Hitler hate golf?
He would end up in a bunker!
How do you kidnap Stephen Hawking?
Shut off his computer.
What does Stephen Hawking put his food in? A microwave.