Short jokes
Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?
Me: I Excel at it.
Boss: Was that a Microsoft pun?
Me: Word.
What is the difference between an Apple and an orphan?
The apples get picked.
Wanna know why Kobe can't shoot?
Because he's dead.
Blood may be thicker than water, but yo mama is thicker than anything!
Your hair is receding more than people do when they smell you.
When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.
So they can let me down one last time.
One day, I was just chillin', being a tower. I saw a plane, but it was slowly growing.
Then it hit me.
What happened when two invisible giants knocked over their blocks?
9/11.
What do you call a batter in a hot air balloon?
Why was Six afraid of Seven?
Because 7 was accused of the murder of 26 children.
What is Vladimir Putin's favorite song?
Answer: Crimea River!
Question: Why did Donald Trump convert to Judaism?
Answer: Because he heard that Vladimir Putin likes to drink vodka with "Orange Jews"!
The doctor said I have until 2:30 to live.
That’s like 20 years from now, I said.
He looks at the time. It’s 2:30.
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
What do the Spanish people call child abuse? Pedrophile.
I tried to adopt an orphan. The card got declined harder than the child did.
Why does Darth Vader always choke people?
Because he wants them to feel what his Sith Lord does to him in bed.
Why does Yoda like to get molested? Because he likes the Force.
Why does the Jedi never join the dark side?
If they did, then they would lose the opportunity to molest young padawans.
What's in a Michael Jackson hotdog?
A 50-year-old piece of meat.
A 12-year-old bun.