Short jokes
How do you get a depressed kid out of a tree? You cut the rope.
Friend: Hey, wanna race home?
Orphan: What home?
I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room. Then my TV started to float out the window. I said, "Drop it, nig-"
My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"
Your mama is so ugly! Ghostface from Scream won't even make that call!
Your mama is so ugly, she tried summoning Candyman, but he refused to come!
Your mama is so ugly, she summoned Bloody Mary.
She handed her an application through the mirror.
"Do you want to hear a joke?"
"Yes."
"Okay, record yourself and then listen to it!"
Why do kids like to pick on orphans?
Because they can't call their parents.
Me: My grandpa killed 100 nazis in WWII.
My Friend: Well my grandpa killed Hitler.
Me: *Realizes*
POV: You are a passenger on September 11th, 2001, and you see the pilots wearing a Muslim turban.
What time do terrorists arrive in New York City?
9:11 AM
I think Abraham Lincoln was gay because a guy shot from behind.
"hipede hop hiped d the twin towers will be gone tomoreo at 8:43"
You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."
what did the woman do after meeting up with a rapist?
sue the dating site for matching her with him.
Stephen Hawking once stood up to bow down to Chuck Norris.
My favorite book is "Brown Spots on the Ceiling" by Ho Fung Poo.
What do you call a Chinese person with no legs?
Lim Ping.
Do you know why people in wheelchairs don’t pay for them?
Because they have to pay for road tax.