Short jokes
I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.
Why doesn't Karl Marx like Earl Grey Tea?
Because all proper tea is theft.
I like my girls like my file systems...
FAT and 16.
If something doesn't make sense to an Eskimo... is it counterINUITive?
A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It's some weird number. You probably never heard of it.
What is a vegetarian's favorite song?
No beef.
Why did the fly fly?
Because the spider spied her!
Why is flour retarded?
Because it's in-bread.
Have you ever tried sex when camping?
It's f***ing intense.
Why was the computer late to work?
Because it had a hard drive!
What's the difference between PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with the terrorist.
How did the octopus go to the war?
Well armed.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten tickles.
Where do kittens go on a field trip?
The meowseum.
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
Odo walks down the alley and turns into a bar.
The thing I don't like about shopping centers...
When you see one, you've seen a mall.
What would Batman do if he wasn't rich?
He would be robin.
What do classical musicians do when they die?
They decompose.