Short jokes
I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.
Have you ever tried sex when camping?
It's f***ing intense.
Why was the computer late to work?
Because it had a hard drive!
Why doesn't Karl Marx like Earl Grey Tea?
Because all proper tea is theft.
What's the difference between PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with the terrorist.
How did the octopus go to the war?
Well armed.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten tickles.
Where do kittens go on a field trip?
The meowseum.
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
Odo walks down the alley and turns into a bar.
The thing I don't like about shopping centers...
When you see one, you've seen a mall.
What would Batman do if he wasn't rich?
He would be robin.
What do classical musicians do when they die?
They decompose.
I told a chemist a joke.
No reaction.
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
You'd think it'd be R, but really his heart will always belong to the C.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your cock into a girl's mouth.
Why are wives also called a housekeeper?
Because after the divorce, they keep the house.
Confucius say, man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
What do you call a communist pirate ship?
The USS Arrrrr.
How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?
Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.