Short jokes
What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? -- Shear madness.
What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."
Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"
I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme.
My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all her musical instruments.
What do cows eat for breakfast? -- Moosli.
Where do cows keep their historical cultural artifacts?
In the mooseum.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Where do cows go on holiday? -- Moo Zealand.
What do you call a cow who plays an instrument? -- A moosician.
How does a cow become invisible? -- Through camooflage.
Why are theaters popular among cows?
They enjoy watching moovies.
Why doesn't the Sun go to college? Because it has a million degrees.
Why should you be wary of stairs? -- Because they are always up to something.
Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tail.
What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter?
"Quack, quack."
Why can't college students take exams at the zoo?
Too many cheetahs!
Why did the tomato blush? -- Because it saw the salad dressing.
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? -- One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.