Short jokes

What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast.

What rock group has four men that don't sing? -- Mount Rushmore.

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.

What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? They both want to get there before the hare does.

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.

What's Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.

Today I was asked to go out by 20 girls. -- I was in the women's bathroom.

What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."

My town's population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.

According to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.

If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? -- To keep his ankles warm.

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.

Did you know that Iceland is only one sea away from Ireland?

What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"

I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

Wives are like grenades. Remove the ring and boom, the house is gone!

What did the 0 say to the 8?

"Nice belt."

RIP boiling water. You will be mist.