Short jokes
It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.
What happens when Steven Hawking dies?
Take his iPad to Cash Converters.
The radio is a player—it always gets turned on by lots of different people.
Wanna hear a terrible joke?
Paper
Pretty tear-able, huh?
When I go to bed, my mother comes in ten minutes later with a brick and beats me with it.
What do you call pedophiles on a beach? Pedos in Speedos.
How do Chinese people play in Spy?
They can't.
I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.
Your face.
How does Hellen Keller drive?
With one hand on the wheel and the other on the road.
Teacher: Where's your homework?
Student: At home...
Teacher: What's it doing there?
Student: Having a better time than me.
My life.
Kill me, please.
What do you get if you add "ER" onto Hamburg?
Hamburg-ER.
The ice cream man tried to murder me today.
I fell down yesterday.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite food? Meals on wheels.
I picked up a document, and I started to feel cold.
I looked down at the document, and it read "DRAFT."
Of course Jesus wasn't a virgin! He obviously liked being nailed!
Who's never the last man standing?
Stephen Hawking.
My friend is gay lol. I'm a spagetie fucc, lemme smash, Becky!