Short jokes
How did Jesus like his chicken?
Crucifried.
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
I don't know. He hasn't opened it yet.
Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period.
What is a pirate's favorite element?
Argon.
Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?
No more tears.
A blonde walks into a bar.
Ouch.
How do you say goodbye to a calculus teacher?
Calculator!
Your momma's so dumb, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.
Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand store!
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
Confucius say:
"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."
Woman jokes aren't funny, period.
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets?
Women.
What's black and never works?
Decaffeinated coffee, you racist bastard!
What did the beach say as the tide came in?
Long time, no sea.
What's the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?
Deer balls. They're under a buck.
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat miner.
What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?
An ingestigation.
How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?
Wave.
What is the opposite of Progress?
Congress.