Short jokes
What does a broken down vegetable say?
I need new wheels.
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1st Person: Do you want to know something funny?
2nd Person: Yeah, sure!
1st Person: I don’t know, I’m German!
Is it just me, or when you wipe your ass too deep, it reminds you of your uncle? Just me?
What's better than poo?
Curiosity killed the cat.
But for a while, I was a suspect.
MooMooMooMoo
How do crazy people get through a forest?
They take the psycho-path!
What's large, grey, and doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
What did the shoes say to the pants?
"SUP, BRITCHES!"
What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison?
A small medium at large!
Knock knock. Who's there? Ya. Ya who? Sorry, I prefer Google.
What did Mario say when he broke up with Princess Peach?
It's not you, it's a-me, Mario!
Knock, knock. Who's there? Daisy. Daisy who? Daisy me rollin', they hatin'!
Why was three afraid of two? Because he killed everyone!
Voldemort: Knock, knock.
Harry Potter: Who's there?
Voldemort: You know.
Harry Potter: You know who?
Voldemort: Exactly!
What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.
What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.
I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”