Short jokes
How do you saw an apple with no mouth?
A P P L E
A bully chokes me. I simply say, "Joke's on you, I like being choked!"
When I masturbate, things cum.
When an old man does, no one cums.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting cow wh---
MOOOO!
I threw a Asian down some stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.
What do you call an octopus dad?
An octodad.
Do you want to go to the pool?
Yes? Well, water you waiting for?
What's the difference between a zit and a Catholic priest?
A zit will wait 'til 12 before it cums on your face.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5
4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
How does a blonde turn off the light after having sex?
She opens the car door.
I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"
Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two Wrights make?
The first airplane.
Chuck: Do you have holes in your underpants?
Teacher: No, of course not.
Chuck: Then how do you get your feet through?
Did you hear about the boy who sat under a cow?
He got a pat on the head.
Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain. "Quick, let's swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!"
What do you get if you cross a zebra and a donkey?
Zeedonk.
"Gosh, it's raining cats and dogs," said Suzie, looking out of the kitchen window.
"I know," said her mother, "I've just stepped in a poodle!"
What's the name for a short legged tramp?
A low-down bum.
What's the difference between a square peg in a round hole and a kilo of lard?
One's a good lot of fat; the other's a fat lot of good.