The three unwritten rules of life:
1. 2. 3.
Short Jokes
4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.
The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologized to the Olympic Committee after realizing that sailing and shooting were two separate events.
The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.
If Al Gore started a math rock band, it should be called Algorhythm.
What's the difference between tuna, a piano and glue?
You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
I walked into a room full of men masturbating. They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it... He's gay, definitely gay.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.
6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.
5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.
An Irish guy walks out of a bar....
Why do women have cleaner minds than men? Because they change theirs more often.
What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?
Their knees.
I just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
I'll let you know.
Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."
My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.
There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.
