Short jokes
What's the difference between a square peg in a round hole and a kilo of lard?
One's a good lot of fat; the other's a fat lot of good.
What's the difference between a boring teacher and a boring book?
You can shut the book up.
What is the difference between a man peering through the key hole and a woman in the bath?
One is rude and nosy; the other is rude and nosy.
Mary Rose sat on a pin. Mary Rose!
Skeleton puns? Nah... they aren't that humerus.
What's a skeleton's favorite meme?
Ken Bone.
What did the cancer patient get for Valentine's Day? Candy wigs.
Two pedophiles are on a beach.
One says to the other, "Move over, you're in my sun!"
I was eating this girl out the other night, and I tasted horse semen, so I said to her, "Oh, that's how you died, grandma!"
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss!
A 98 year old man goes to bed on a one layer bed. He wakes up under it...
What's the difference between a fish and a car?
You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3
What food does a cheetah eat?
Fast food.
I would tell you a science joke, but I know I won't get a reaction.
Why did my boyfriend leave me?
Because he's gay.
But why did he come back to me?
Because I'm actually a guy :-)
A good bath is like a dead lover.
You can enjoy them, that is until they get too cold.
Why did the Canadian cross the road?
To say sorry to the other side.
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They roll a coin down the staircase and it says, "Ching chang chong..."
What is flatter than an Asian?
Their nose.
What is the first thing the disabled download on iTunes?
"They see me rolling, they hatin'."