Short jokes
Why do mountains go to sleep a lot?
Because they are high.
Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."
What was the incontinent farmer's greatest problem? He managed his carrot patch but couldn't control his peas!
Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!
What song was played at the flatulent centenarian's birthday? Candle in the Wind!
What do you call a sociopath who damages a box of Wheaties? A cereal criminal!
What happened when the gun dealer found his pistol in his shoe?
He found that he had a piece in his sole!
What do you call a retard in a house fire?
Flame Retardant.
I'm listening to a song about fish--it's very catchy.
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
It didn't; it got stuck in a crack.
My eggcellent egg yolks crack everyone up.
If you don't like them, you're just hard boiled.
Have you heard about the animal that was made of a human hand?
It's an ARMadillo.
Q: What has two wings and a halo?
A: An Asian phone call, "Wing, Wing, Halo?"
What do you call people that make retarded jokes?
You.
What do you call a couple Mexicans getting stoned in a bush? Buches baked breans.
What did one brick say to the other? Never LEGO.
Me and my cousin went to a restaurant yesterday.
I ordered my chicken fried, he ordered his chicken alive.
What is a penguin without a pen? A guin...
A swan, a goose, and a penguin walked into a bar... I ducked.
1 + 1 = window.