Short jokes
My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish.
I'm feeling cannelloni right now.
Grammar: It's the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.
Question: What do you call 8 apples?
Answer: The iPhone 8.
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
Your momma so fat, when she stepped on the weighing scales, her phone number came up!
You're so small you went surfing on an ice lolly!
You're so small you went hand gliding on a Dorito!
In the morning, I become a cereal killer.
I wanted some breakfast, so I grabbed some Life cereal.
I poured it, but lemons came out. So I said, "Well, when life gives you lemons!"
What did the Queen Bee say to the other bees? "Beehive yourselves!"
What do you call a sheep on steroids? A woolly mammoth.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark.
Why do mermaids wear seashells?
They are too big for “B” shells, and too small for “D” shells.
It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.
What happens when Steven Hawking dies?
Take his iPad to Cash Converters.
The radio is a player—it always gets turned on by lots of different people.
Wanna hear a terrible joke?
Paper
Pretty tear-able, huh?
When I go to bed, my mother comes in ten minutes later with a brick and beats me with it.
What do you call pedophiles on a beach? Pedos in Speedos.
How do Chinese people play in Spy?
They can't.