Short jokes
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
What turns a girl on more than having sex with her?
When she finds out that you have a vibrator too.
What do you say to toast with bad shoes?
"Butter those."
Why are retards good at basketball?
'Cause they dribble all the time!
How do Chinese people name their children?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs and listen for the sounds, "Ching Chong Chang."
Why did Mary fall off the swings?
She got hit by a refrigerator.
It's not my fault my cousin's hot ;) YEE YEE
I have two heads, four eyes, and six ears, what am I?
Ugly.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He lost WiFi connection.
Three guys walk into a bar; the fourth one ducks.
Stephen Hawking's death was simply an accident. He pressed power off instead of sleep mode.
Have you heard about the corduroy pillow cases? They've been making headlines.
Why doesn't Santa have kids? Because he only comes once a year.
Psyonix's OCE servers.
Who's the fastest reader?
Me, 'cause I'll be jumping off so many stories.
If you fuck your sister in front of a redneck, are you appropriating their culture?
I adopted a dog. It's gone now.
At least homeless people in China are not starving.
Phone rings; "Are your parents home?"
Orphan; "Stop calling here!"
What if Stephen Hawking was the Real Slim Shady, but no one knew because he couldn't stand up?
I didn’t know if she was anorexic or not, so I tossed her an onion ring to see if she would eat it or use it as a hula hoop.