Short jokes
Once there was a boat. Its friends said,
"It's time to come back." And the boat said,
"No way. I don't give into pier pressure."
What mental illness do terrorists suffer from?
Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED).
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the gay guy's house. Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.
Why did Hitler say "nein"? Because he just got raped, bitch!
The gayest person in the world is Pacman. You can pay him to eat 200 balls.
What did Goodlife Fitness say to LA Fitness? "I guess it's just not 'working out'!"
What did the chocolate dentist say to the other chocolate dentist? Did you "chip" a tooth?
How are mountains able to see?
They peak!
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He tried to download a free version of Windows.
Why did Joey drop his ice cream?
He was hit by a truck. (Don't worry, the truck was fine.)
You. You're the joke.
What did one brain cell say to the other brain cell?
"I think I feel a connection!"
What makes a joke a dad joke?
I don't know. I don't even have one as an example.
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
Paul Walker's death was a tragedy, but at least he went out in a blaze of glory.
I only listen to waltz 3/4 of the time.
You were born on the freeway, you know why?
Because that's where a lot of accidents happen. 😈
Sex sex sex free sex tonight, I mean 666-3629.
Why was the German in a hurry?
Because he was Rush-ian to get to work.
You know what I saw today?
Everything I looked at.