Short jokes
Where do you go when Steve Hawkins dies?
Microsoft.
Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got to see either of them, and they are now extinct.
I wanted to get brain surgery.
I changed my mind.
What type of lettuce did they serve on the Titanic? - Iceberg.
My memes are ironic, but my depression is chronic.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
I care when my computer crashes.
Well, it really do be like it shouldn't, but it is.
Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.
What did the Indian say to the cow?
I lowe you, moo than anything.
Why did the Indian cross the road?
To run away from the Pakistani.
Cats are like onions; when I cut them, I cry.
How did the blind girl get a date?
She said it was love at first sight.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you haven't told her twice.
Daughter: Mommy, what ever happened to Steven Hawking?
Mother: He died.
Daughter: How did he die?
Mother: He never got recharged.
Lesbians and blind women wear the same clothes.
My sister's name was Philma. We were unfortunate enough to have the last name Coochie. Let's just say no more virgins were at that school.
The lettuce and tomato were in a race. The lettuce was a head and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
I had a dream about a car, and I woke up exhausted.
A dung beetle walks into a bar and says to another beetle, "Is this stool taken?"
What's hot and hard?
Me when I look at children.