Short jokes
Do your buses run on time?
No, they run on diesel.
What do my baby and dinosaurs have in common? They are both dead.
What's the difference between a baby and putty?
You can only eat one.
Beau Ruse is Gay.
You know where I get my soda? Mini-soda.
What has more brains than the Columbine students? The wall behind them, xD.
"Are you taco to me? I nacho friend."
Miss Stephen likes kids like she likes wine: 15 years and in isolation.
Why did Miss Stephen get divorced? She didn't float, too.
Diabetic wives are like Cillit Bang. Squeeze them a bit and bang! The bed is gone.
What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?
You get a milkshake!
Dad: I get to touch animals every day at the zoo.
Kid: Why?
Dad: I clean up animal s*** at the zoo.
What happened to the gator when he walked into the hospital?
He became Gatorade.
What happened to the alligator when he held a GPS?
He became a navigator.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a hostage?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
I'm sorry for all the fish puns. I feel so GILL-ty.
I used to work at a candlestick factory, but only on the wickends! It was illuminating!
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it!
Why did Sally decide to fly to school?
She couldn't drive.
Q. What do you call a gun that rapes someone?
A. An assault rifle.