Short jokes
"Ho, ho, ho, what do you want for Christmas, little boy? Longer than two months to live."
Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.
What do you call a bunch of white people in an elevator?
A box of crackers.
So my friend and I went camping at a Cold Lake Campground and he jumped into it without any warning, and so I asked him, "Wat-er you doing?"
I have something on my lip and I think I’m taller than you.
"Who am I?"
What do you call it when Hitler puts retards in the oven? Baked potatoes.
Can we have a party in space?
First, we need to planet ;)
Get it? "Plan it" = planet.
A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.
What's black and sits on the bottom of the stairs to the cellar?
Steven Hawking where the experiments went wrong.
A dyslexic man walked into a bra.
"Immobile" means "I'm mobile" in my books.
A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.
A new game the whole family can play...
Incest.
Where do pencils go on holiday?
Pencilvania! (Pennsylvania)
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It didn't, I hit it with my car 3 blocks down.
What do you call a joke without a punchline?
What's black and has wheels? Black wheels.
What's red and in a corner?
A baby with a razor blade.
What's green and in a corner?
The same baby three weeks later.
Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.
What did Saturday say on the day before Friday?
I’m thursty (Thursday).