Short jokes
"Spell ICUP."
A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.
What do you call a homeless orphan?
Homo-less.
Hey girl, is that an ass seen on TV, 'cause I'd buy it.
When was the only time you could see people base jump without a parachute?
2001/9/11.
What does a husband of a woman do when he is horny?
He goes on a business trip with 100 $1 dollar bills.
Bean.
I'm sorry m8.
Why did Timmy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
'Cause she didn't wear a seatbelt.
Why does Doctor Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife died.
How did Peter Parker get caught as Spider-Man?
Well, he weaved a really tangled web, and Aunt May saw it.
One time I saw a manatee all spray painted to look like a tiger. Needless to say, the first thing I yelled was, "OH! THE HUMANATEE!"
I like my women like how I like my cocaine, smuggled and cut clean.
A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.
What did the people who cracked the Liberty Bell get for breaking it?
The no-bell prize.
How does Skeletor feel after He-Man beats him up?
Skelesore.
"Wanna hear a joke?"
"Sure."
"You SURE will be glad when this dad joke's over."
"That was pretty DAD!"
Did you hear about the two burglars that stole a calendar?
I hear they got six months each.