Short jokes
Are you Google?
Because you got all I am searching for.
What does a human and a cat have in common? Both take my bed.
Did you sit in sugar?
Because you've got a sweet ass.
My mom gave me a golden shovel and a hoe. I said, "Why do I need this?" She said, "That you every year."
Me: Have you ever tried African food?
You: No.
Me: They haven't either.
What did the girl get for Christmas?
Cancer.
What's the difference between eggs and you? Eggs get laid, you don't.
Q: What did the cannibal say to the leper?
A: You gonna eat that?
Rowan
A Mexican boy said, "I can't do this." Then a guy says, "You can do it, we are Mexican, not Mexicant."
My wife told me, "Don't buy 1 gun while on your trip," so I decided to buy 2 guns instead.
You know how many people said, "This ship will never sink?"
They jinxed it by saying "never sink."
When I'm bored, I like to slap orphans. I mean, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What is your arm's favorite military branch? The army.
Him: I work with animals all day.
Her: Awwww what do you do?
Him: I'm a pornstar.
What's the difference between a boy and gold?
More people want gold.
My dad is like the female wage gap: nonexistent.
My dad told me I'm a failure.
I failed a math test.
Good thing there's a pole outside my house.
What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and a lizard?
There is no difference.
What’s the difference between a bullet and a prostitute? They both burst a barrel.