Short jokes
"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me!"
Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
Joe, I wish you had never asked me to scout for a fresh tight end.
Why is Megan a down?
Because her last name is Downy.
Life is beautiful, but you are ugly.
What did the North tower say to the south tower? "Sorry, can't talk, got to catch a plane."
Q: Why don't pedophiles win races?
A: Because they like to come in a little behind.
People who torture others for making bad puns should be severely punished.
Me, myself, and I.
What do you call a snail without a shell?
Dead.
What was the last thing that went through JFK's mind? A bullet.
What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!
What’s the coolest thing about having a 12 year old friend...
You get to meet Chris Hansen!
Some people think "prison" is one word, but to robbers, it's a whole sentence.
I was rooting for Donald Trump to be president.
We haven't had a presidential assassination in a while.
What’s twelve inches and white?
Nothing.
Why does it take longer for women to orgasm than men?
Who cares?
The only reason Stephen Hawking died is because he forgot to update to the latest version of Microsoft.
What did the banana say to the peel?
“Let’s split!”
I would tell you a joke about a clock, but it’s a waste of time! 😄😄