Short jokes
I like my women like I like my coffee.
Dark, rich, and imported.
I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"
He huffed and he puffed, but instead of blowing the house, he choked it down with his mom.
What do women and airplanes have in common?
A cockpit.
What is the difference between Sir Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Climb high, climb far,
Get high, get far.
How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw spoons at her.
My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.
what do you call a drunken sailer?
arrested.
I once had an owl who I thought it would fly away.
Wanna hear a funny joke?
My life.
Bully: You're gonna die.
Me: Hurry up then.
My life.
If a wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been muggled?
A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?
"Spell ICUP."
A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.
What do you call a homeless orphan?
Homo-less.
Hey girl, is that an ass seen on TV, 'cause I'd buy it.