Short jokes
Where is the worst place to lock your keys in your car?
The anti-abortion clinic because you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.
What's the difference between a cow and a pig?
One is a pig.
What's meaner than taking candy from a baby?
Throwing the baby off a cliff.
What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common?
Both are not a lamp.
A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So what will it be this time?" The penguin doesn't answer because it's a penguin.
Why did the little girl's ice cream melt?
She was on fire.
You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.
I've got 99 problems and one of them is that I count my problems instead of solving them.
Roses are dead, violets are dead. I am a bad gardener.
Why is the thief so good at basketball? Because he can shoot, steal, and run.
Donald Trump: "I play Fortnite just to build walls."
What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
What do you call a pig that knows karate?
Pork-chop!
What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?
"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"
My mum touched my friend, but she wasn’t the she’s only 12.
When you lose a game of Kahoot, so you kashoot up the school.
A man sees a woman. He falls in love with her. Little did he know she had AIDS.
Crucifixion was the first T-pose.
It took Jesus 3 days to respond.
Worst lag ever!
What do you get when you beat up an autistic kid?
Mashed potatoes.