Short jokes
Why don’t alligators grow up to 15 feet?
They only have 4.
What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.
Who is king of the insects?
The Monarch.
Q: What did the skeleton say when he proposed to his girlfriend?
A: Will you marrow me?
Person you don't know, my name.
Why did the plum put sugar under its pillow?
So it could have sweet dreams.
What fruit always feels depressed?
A blueberry.
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
Sometimes I just want to toss a flash bang into a room full of epileptic kids.
Hookers are like drive-thrus; you tell them what you want, pay for your stuff, and leave.
What do you call someone that is Mexican that has a BMW?
A big Mexican woman.
What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!
What kind of file do you need to turn a 15 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile.
Did you hear about the two-car pile-up in Mexico? Yeah like 200 Mexicans died.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? That's a silly question. Feminists can't change anything.
A person asks a taxidermist what they do for a living. The taxidermist replies, "Oh, you know, stuff."
I love breakups. My ex-girlfriends always end up in pieces.
If you hate America, I don't like you :)
What's the difference between an ISIS militant base and a Pakistani children's school?
I don't know, I just fly the drone.
What's a perfect example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.