Short jokes

I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.

Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.

The person next to me on my flight was shocked when they found out I was Arabian. I lagged so hard my gerber almost fell out of my pocket.

My sister thinks she's so smart. She said, "Onions are the only food that makes you cry." So I threw a coconut at her.

Go commit neck rope.

Yo mamma's so fat, she had to pull down her pants to get to her wallet!

What can you tell a dog, but not your girlfriend? Come.

What does PEMDAS stand for?

Please End My Depression And Suffering.

What do you call a bad amputation?

A rip-off.

What's the difference between fruit and a freshly killed corpse?

I don't eat the fruit.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly girl? The Twin Towers at least got fucked.

I like my women like I like my coffee.

Dark, rich, and imported.

I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"

He huffed and he puffed, but instead of blowing the house, he choked it down with his mom.

What do women and airplanes have in common?

A cockpit.

What is the difference between Sir Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?

Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.

Climb high, climb far,

Get high, get far.

How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw spoons at her.

My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.

what do you call a drunken sailer?

arrested.

I once had an owl who I thought it would fly away.