Short jokes
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Friend: I have the eye of the tiger.
Me: So what? I have the balls of a gorilla.
Parents: We can't come back to the zoo next week!
What's the difference between $1 million and baby teeth?
I don't have $1 million in my wallet.
Patient: "I'm starting to forget things."
Doctor: "Since when have you had this condition?"
Patient: "What condition?"
There's 3 things I hate.
1. Jokes
2. Lists
3. Irony.
What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face for my birthday.
Why do orphans hate going to Costco? Because they need a parent to get samples.
Why can’t you high five a Japanese person?
Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
Why can't an orphan go on away games?
Their parent will never show up!
The greatest bond you will ever have is the one with your conjoined twin.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Mimi. Mimi who? Mimi’s got cancer.
Why does Ella have cancer?
Because she’s stupid.
Why did Mimi cross the road?
She had cancer.
What do you call a baby in an elevator?
Lubrication.
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
What is the difference between a refrigerator and a baby?
The refrigerator doesn't cry when I put my meat in it.
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
Take your foot off its head.
They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:
Thou shalt not f... altar boys.
When the school lets you near children again...
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."