Short jokes
I remember my grandma's last words:
"What are you doing with that axe?"
Roses are red, lemons are sour.
Open your legs and give me an hour.
BRUHS0UNDEFFECT!
Why should you never give Elsa a balloon?
'Cause she will let it go.
Which mineral is so impolite?
IRONic.
You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde girl?
One stops sucking when you smack it.
What's the grossest thing ever?
A bag of dead babies.
What's even more gross?
The bottom one is still wriggling!
Always practice safe sex: paint an X on the sheep that kick.
What is similar about the feelings of a girl's birth daddy and her new pimp daddy?
They both worry about how she will turn out!
Why does the pimp always use job fairs as a way of recruiting new hoes?
He always gets a great turnout.
When a lady gets married, what does she borrow?
She borrows her husband's last name.
I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.
Wow! That whiteboard is remarkable!
They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.
At first I was skeptical, but the universe has really grown on me.
What do you get when you cross a belt and a watch?
A waist of time.
Question: How did the cat cross the river?
Answer: It didn’t, it drowned.
Why did the chipmunk swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry.
How did two retarded people get ran over in one second?
They're my friends.