Short jokes
My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.
When your crush walks in class but you're homeschooled...
Bippity Boppity,
Women are property.
I wanted to solve teen suicide, so I shot up a middle school.
A friend asked me, "Where are you going?"
I answered, "6 feet underground."
What did the first guy say to the second?
Wanna shove a banana up yo ass?
What's black, anorexic, dumb, and will never get a girlfriend?
Me.
My parents love me.
Did you ever hear the story about the broken pencil?
That's okay. There is really no point to it.
Why is the tire so tired?
Because it is tired out.
Why is the sea salty?
Because the land never waves back.
Why can't bugs drive... because they don't have a LICE-ens...
BA-DUM CHHH!
Bosses are like seagulls.
They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
Hrhfgsfabcke then the other guy said, "Potato."
"Confucius say: Man go asy, full retard. It's an art, a weapon, and a lifestyle. Once you go full retard, there is no going back."
There was a blind man in WWE, and the commentator said, "Watch out! Watch... Oh, he can’t see." After he was sued for national offense.
A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."
What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?
Condoms!
Why are mountains very cold?
Because they are very cold.
What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?
Showing them the ropes.